Words and Promises

" Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth". Matthews 21:28-32

God has always been there for me, I can feel that He is trying to give me a message each month. And I believe that He wants to tell me the meaning of promises for the past few days. Last week, I went to Left's place to clear our minds off on something. I went to his place with the promises he wrote for me back on my 18th birthday and I realized that while promises without action and love, they are just words.

That day, I followed my instincts and walked to Left's house, from the path we used to take to visit his primary school. As I walked along the path, my mind was full of the image of us holding hands together walking and laughing back in the day when we used to be. Time has flied so fast, that everything has turned into memories.  Those memories are like an old film player with no switch off button ; just keeps on playing again and again in your head non-stop...

I slowed down near the tree where we used to lay under, for a while, I just stared at the grass, thinking about our first date, the look he had in his eyes, the words he whispered to me when we were looking at the sky.. "Hey, doesn't that cloud look like a heart to you?"

Maybe I am holding onto him too much, maybe all the promises we once shared were just words and naively, I chose to believe them. But the fact is that it was my feelings that led me to think his words as promises, and in fact, I may have said words where he believed in but then I could not keep up with them because I was lazy and irresponsible. I did not speak with love and actions when I was supposed to, and I gave out promises that were just made up of words.

Now I paid the sacrifice and suffered from the pain for my ignorance and irresponsibility. I wanted to mend the mistakes by keeping up every word I say from now on and actually fulfill the promises I gave out to people because words are empty without actions and commitments.

I do not want to give people hopes up and leave them with a simply apology about me not able to keep up with words I said.  I wanted to be responsible and committed to promises I give out from now. When God says He loves us, He did not hesitate by sending his only son to wash away our sins. He spoke with faithfulness and love, He did not turn away from us even though we have hung Jesus on the cross. God is faithful and does what He promises.

In the world these days, the faithfulness and responsibility are ceasing and this makes us prone to sins and corruptions. Because keeping up with a promise is hard, it requires dedication, hardship and commitment and not everyone can do it because it is a long process. However, that is why it is so precious when someone does fulfill their promises to you. By being responsible and committed to every word we say, this will bring us courage and strengths as we are able to follow and remain faithful to God's words.

"Be thou faithful unto death and I will give you the crown of life. It means that in order to receive the crown of life, we all have to be faithful. You will not miss your crown in Jesus name."Rev 2

Love and let go.

There must be a God, and I believe it is true...

 It has been a long time since Left& Right returned to our sweet home, due to other commitments we have in life. Today is the last day Left& Right being as one before moving on exploring the world separately, we both know that at this young age, we have a long journey to go, as we are not ready for a relationship yet. We both understand that for the past few months, we were trying to adjust our lifestyle and adapt to changes, as Left got into Law, and Right got a full time consultant job. And when we ponder on the purpose of life and relationship, we realise while seemingly being compatible right now, we are not emotionally, financially and spiritually ready and it is the time to let go some of strings you are bound to, in order to see more, to reach more, to enjoy more. 

And if we are bound to be together at the end, we will be ready by then to grow together again stronger as one to serve under the name of Jesus Christ. It is terribly painful for Right at the start as Right did not expect anything at all. When everything seems so perfect to you, you won’t be able to see the needs to change, to grow, and to mature. However, after nights of crying and tears, I became to see Left’s view and felt so grateful that Left has given me this chance to see the world from a new perspective, and to once again, have freedom to explore, to adventure and to find the purpose of life, to live for myself. I still love him, I still do. There is no doubt of that. It is just that this is not the right time yet.  I do believe that he is God’s angel for me sent from the heaven, as I could see the reflection of me in his eyes. God wanted me to be patient, he wanted to upgrade me, so when I do find the ideal partner, he will be sure that we will last forever. I know at this point, this is the best for Left and Right. We just need to put our trust in Him, as our mighty God.  Because when we do believe, he will send down his blessings and miracles. We just have to believe that and follow his words wholeheartedly. When it is the right time, he will come back. When he is ready, he will come back, I know he will, because God brought him into my life for a reason.

It has been 3 years Left& Right met and fell in love with each other, and that is exactly how long we think we should wait roughly in order to be ready for a relationship. Left told me not to necessarily wait for him because he will feel guilty, I will not wait for him, but rather wait for myself to be ready for a relationship in the next 3 years. I will stick to my words and promises I made, I know I will, because for me, love is not a feeling, love is a choice.  And as God says, we choose to love, and that is why despite of us being so sinful, he still chooses to love us. When God lives in your heart, he will give the power to stay strong and to grow to be like him.

People always say that memories will fade away, however, if you review them regularly and dust the dirt on them, they will always remain clear and new to you. So what Right has decided for now is that on the 2nd and 22nd of each month, I will write an entry about the memories that Left& Right had before during that month. 

When I say I do, this is a promise.

Honestly, I don't know the future holds(no one knows), but I fully believe by doing this, it makes me feel happy and let me have no regrets as I know that I will have tried my best and found out what a person I can be. You might think me so naive and so committed, but I was born this way, and there is a reason why God created me this way,it is to bring down blessings and amaze the people around me through my dedication and action that how powerful his power can be. 

What I have gained from the past few days, is the power of God’s love, and how loving he is to loves us so much that he sends his only son to us, a world full of sins and dangers. The hardest thing in this world is to set someone free. I remember when I was little, Mum brought us home two beautiful parrots home, one was forest green and one was passion red. One day, my sister accidentally let the green one slip away. He never flew back, leaving the red parrot suffer on her own for months. She didn’t eat, she didn’t drink, all day long, she stood there glazing the blue sky out of the cage, burning in loneliness. I remember seeing the pains and sadness in her eyes, and when we finally set her free, she spread her wings and flew out so fast, and flew so high above the sky… We don’t know if she found the forest green and her happiness at the end; we don’t know what happened afterwards, however, at that moment, she must be very happy...

And this is the power of love, when you truly love someone so much, you will return whatever they want to make them happy, in a similar way, how God loved us so much that he gave his son to redeem our sins and become joyful and fully happy. However, God’s love is much stronger, more selfless and more power beyond what we can imagine. But because of Left, I was able to feel our God’s love more, and I am so grateful that I am able to make this choice, and let Left find what he wants and the purpose of life. I love him so much, and that is why I set him free.

Thank you for all the good times and love, Left.

All of the best days of my life.

For now,  what I can do is to live for myself, and believe that God will shine happiness upon both of us.

In God's name, we pray.