Peace and Joy

Left's 18th birthday is just 10 mins away...

Put faith in God and let Him take Control

Put faith in God and let Him take Control

For the past few weeks, I have been battling against my strong emotions that are burning in my heart. Yes, indeed, I missed Left so much so much that it burns me. The feelings have overwhelmed me many nights and days where I felt like walking with no soul. :( I felt like that my heart was pierced with millions of needles and broken glasses, and the numbers kept adding on. Apparently, Left seemed to have a friend from Law where she and him shared good vibes. That brought me straight down into the deepest depression and sadness. I was jealous, but hopeless, as I have set him free.

Then I realised that this is not what God wanted me to dwell on. Feeling depressed and insecure was not the right direction, as negativity does not bring happiness and calmness. This is when I turned to God. I was hopeless and lost and then I prayed to God for his guidance, and He did not forget me. He reminded me of the mistake I made in the past, where I put Left as my idol, my whole world, so then when I felt those ugly human emotions, they took over me so easily. 

So last night, I knelt down at my bed and prayed deeply. In fact, I have been praying for a long time to seek for guidance.  Before I wasn’t sure whether God would notice my prayer,but I just have a feeling that He will. And the truth is, He did not forget about us. In the dream, He sent down Left to tell me that he was drawn by my goodness, my compassion, my strength and prays that I can continue remaining kind and let my compassionate nature shine. I must put all my trust in God, I must trust Left. I cannot let my insecurity and those emotions to top over me, and the only way to do this is to be faithful to God, and entrust Him with my whole life.  No matter what results are at the end of three years, I believe God will bless us with maturity and growth. God will never leave with us alone, he is the anchor of my soul and happiness, and I have come to realise that. And when the time comes, we will be able to treat the one with grace and love.

God has been watching over us from the very beginning because He loved us so much and so dearly. I remember how earlier Left and me received the quote: “Keep your heads up in the right direction and you don’t need to worry about your feet”., He has a great plan for both of us and that every decision we made in life does not come with nothing, and every challenge and breakdown is to draw us closer to God. He is always there, seek him for guidance and put your whole faith in Him.

Love is kind, love is patient. It does not envy. I remember reading this from the wall in Left’s room. I should focus on God, I must “Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the LORD.” Psalm 31:24 

In Jesus's name, we pray :]

Words and Promises

" Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth". Matthews 21:28-32

God has always been there for me, I can feel that He is trying to give me a message each month. And I believe that He wants to tell me the meaning of promises for the past few days. Last week, I went to Left's place to clear our minds off on something. I went to his place with the promises he wrote for me back on my 18th birthday and I realized that while promises without action and love, they are just words.

That day, I followed my instincts and walked to Left's house, from the path we used to take to visit his primary school. As I walked along the path, my mind was full of the image of us holding hands together walking and laughing back in the day when we used to be. Time has flied so fast, that everything has turned into memories.  Those memories are like an old film player with no switch off button ; just keeps on playing again and again in your head non-stop...

I slowed down near the tree where we used to lay under, for a while, I just stared at the grass, thinking about our first date, the look he had in his eyes, the words he whispered to me when we were looking at the sky.. "Hey, doesn't that cloud look like a heart to you?"

Maybe I am holding onto him too much, maybe all the promises we once shared were just words and naively, I chose to believe them. But the fact is that it was my feelings that led me to think his words as promises, and in fact, I may have said words where he believed in but then I could not keep up with them because I was lazy and irresponsible. I did not speak with love and actions when I was supposed to, and I gave out promises that were just made up of words.

Now I paid the sacrifice and suffered from the pain for my ignorance and irresponsibility. I wanted to mend the mistakes by keeping up every word I say from now on and actually fulfill the promises I gave out to people because words are empty without actions and commitments.

I do not want to give people hopes up and leave them with a simply apology about me not able to keep up with words I said.  I wanted to be responsible and committed to promises I give out from now. When God says He loves us, He did not hesitate by sending his only son to wash away our sins. He spoke with faithfulness and love, He did not turn away from us even though we have hung Jesus on the cross. God is faithful and does what He promises.

In the world these days, the faithfulness and responsibility are ceasing and this makes us prone to sins and corruptions. Because keeping up with a promise is hard, it requires dedication, hardship and commitment and not everyone can do it because it is a long process. However, that is why it is so precious when someone does fulfill their promises to you. By being responsible and committed to every word we say, this will bring us courage and strengths as we are able to follow and remain faithful to God's words.

"Be thou faithful unto death and I will give you the crown of life. It means that in order to receive the crown of life, we all have to be faithful. You will not miss your crown in Jesus name."Rev 2

Love and let go.

There must be a God, and I believe it is true...

 It has been a long time since Left& Right returned to our sweet home, due to other commitments we have in life. Today is the last day Left& Right being as one before moving on exploring the world separately, we both know that at this young age, we have a long journey to go, as we are not ready for a relationship yet. We both understand that for the past few months, we were trying to adjust our lifestyle and adapt to changes, as Left got into Law, and Right got a full time consultant job. And when we ponder on the purpose of life and relationship, we realise while seemingly being compatible right now, we are not emotionally, financially and spiritually ready and it is the time to let go some of strings you are bound to, in order to see more, to reach more, to enjoy more. 

And if we are bound to be together at the end, we will be ready by then to grow together again stronger as one to serve under the name of Jesus Christ. It is terribly painful for Right at the start as Right did not expect anything at all. When everything seems so perfect to you, you won’t be able to see the needs to change, to grow, and to mature. However, after nights of crying and tears, I became to see Left’s view and felt so grateful that Left has given me this chance to see the world from a new perspective, and to once again, have freedom to explore, to adventure and to find the purpose of life, to live for myself. I still love him, I still do. There is no doubt of that. It is just that this is not the right time yet.  I do believe that he is God’s angel for me sent from the heaven, as I could see the reflection of me in his eyes. God wanted me to be patient, he wanted to upgrade me, so when I do find the ideal partner, he will be sure that we will last forever. I know at this point, this is the best for Left and Right. We just need to put our trust in Him, as our mighty God.  Because when we do believe, he will send down his blessings and miracles. We just have to believe that and follow his words wholeheartedly. When it is the right time, he will come back. When he is ready, he will come back, I know he will, because God brought him into my life for a reason.

It has been 3 years Left& Right met and fell in love with each other, and that is exactly how long we think we should wait roughly in order to be ready for a relationship. Left told me not to necessarily wait for him because he will feel guilty, I will not wait for him, but rather wait for myself to be ready for a relationship in the next 3 years. I will stick to my words and promises I made, I know I will, because for me, love is not a feeling, love is a choice.  And as God says, we choose to love, and that is why despite of us being so sinful, he still chooses to love us. When God lives in your heart, he will give the power to stay strong and to grow to be like him.

People always say that memories will fade away, however, if you review them regularly and dust the dirt on them, they will always remain clear and new to you. So what Right has decided for now is that on the 2nd and 22nd of each month, I will write an entry about the memories that Left& Right had before during that month. 

When I say I do, this is a promise.

Honestly, I don't know the future holds(no one knows), but I fully believe by doing this, it makes me feel happy and let me have no regrets as I know that I will have tried my best and found out what a person I can be. You might think me so naive and so committed, but I was born this way, and there is a reason why God created me this way,it is to bring down blessings and amaze the people around me through my dedication and action that how powerful his power can be. 

What I have gained from the past few days, is the power of God’s love, and how loving he is to loves us so much that he sends his only son to us, a world full of sins and dangers. The hardest thing in this world is to set someone free. I remember when I was little, Mum brought us home two beautiful parrots home, one was forest green and one was passion red. One day, my sister accidentally let the green one slip away. He never flew back, leaving the red parrot suffer on her own for months. She didn’t eat, she didn’t drink, all day long, she stood there glazing the blue sky out of the cage, burning in loneliness. I remember seeing the pains and sadness in her eyes, and when we finally set her free, she spread her wings and flew out so fast, and flew so high above the sky… We don’t know if she found the forest green and her happiness at the end; we don’t know what happened afterwards, however, at that moment, she must be very happy...

And this is the power of love, when you truly love someone so much, you will return whatever they want to make them happy, in a similar way, how God loved us so much that he gave his son to redeem our sins and become joyful and fully happy. However, God’s love is much stronger, more selfless and more power beyond what we can imagine. But because of Left, I was able to feel our God’s love more, and I am so grateful that I am able to make this choice, and let Left find what he wants and the purpose of life. I love him so much, and that is why I set him free.

Thank you for all the good times and love, Left.

All of the best days of my life.

For now,  what I can do is to live for myself, and believe that God will shine happiness upon both of us.

In God's name, we pray. 

Expectations

Expectations 

Be the knight in your darkest night. 

We never stopped having expectations of others since when we were little.

In movies, we anticipated superheroes to rescue the innocent. 

In fairy tales, we expected Prince Charming to eventually marry the beautiful princess.  

Even when we grew up, those expectations of others never receded.  

We wished the boss could recognize and promote us; we wished for more holidays and vacations.  

We wished the financial crisis never happened and every family could live with no burdens and hassles.  

We wished our partners could be more loving and parents to be less demanding and annoying.  

So many expectations were made in life about others as if they would never stop. 

Every day, we relied on others to accomplish things we wanted to complete, as those were out of their own responsibility. 

And when things didn't work out exactly the way we imagined, we became disappointed, crushed and burnt. 

We whinged, we shouted and we screamed at those who we gave command to. 

The feelings of disappointment challenged and pushed us through the boundaries, and some of us even lost our temper. 

Some tried to compensate themselves by focusing on other people's mistakes and blamed them for all failure as it was wholly theirs. 

However, we never realized that the problems in fact occurred on ourselves.  

Left once told me, that no one cant lead your life and tell you exactly what to do.  

If this was true, why let other people's action lead you and achieve things that you could have achieved yourself in life?  

Everyone is an individual person whose action and thoughts aren't in your control.  

The only way to eliminate your disappointment and gain more happiness is to stop expecting others. 
Instead, you should focus on what and how to unleash  your potential and achieve GREAT things in life. 

Some may say having more expectations of yourself means more disappointments and pain in return, and you might even end up hurting yourself. 

While it might seem reasonable, don't forget what you have in hand is the power to choose not to be disappointed or in pain, and we call that powerful tool, attitude.  

 You are your own commander, and you know exactly what would strive you in achieving your expectations and  what brings you ♥ happiness&joy♥.

Left has shared with me a poem before and i thought this would be a good way to end with the last two lines from this poem: 

'I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul'

        If you want to achieve great things in life, don't rely on others to complete them for you because they are not you. No one knows what you wanted to achieve the most in life, and the best way to overcome challenges and difficulties. 

The only way to live your life to the fullest, the happiest and the coolest is to follow your heart. 

          So why not be your knight in the darkest night when no one does it better than you do?

Where are you most content?

Where are you most content?

Hey guys, Left here. For my very first blog, I've decided to ponder a question that has been pondered by many, many people for many, many millennia. The question of "What is true happiness?" Or, as I will ask in this blog entry, "Where are you most content?" The 'where' I refer to is not a physical place. It's not somewhere you can simply go. It's more of a… mentality. A mindset. I'll explain more as I go along.

What makes you happy? Is it money? Popularity? Status? Love? Food? Whoever you are, wherever you are, there is definitely something for you. For me, it's my manga/anime, as well as Right. She's such a blessing in my life.

So how would you summarise happiness?

Happiness is all about perspective.  For example, let's say you had $100 million sitting in your bank account. One day, someone might offer you a job of cleaning toilets for $100,000 per year (bit crazy, I know- bear with me). You would most likely turn it down, as you already have quite a lot of money in your bank account. The meagre sum of $100,000 per year would not amount much comparing with the $100 million you have in your bank account, thus bringing you little happiness if you accepted the job. However, if you were unemployed, and you were given the same offer, you would jump at the opportunity- you would be overjoyed. It's the same amount of money, for the same job, and yet it would bring different levels of 'happiness' to two very different people.

How can I be happy then?

Again, with the example of money (because it's the root of so many people's 'happiness'): How much money is enough? How much money do you need to be happy and content? It's easy to think for a couple of seconds and throw out a figure such as '$100 million', but Ecclesiastes 5:10 says, "Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income." I'm not saying that money can't make you happy. I'm just saying that if you base your happiness on money, it's very probable that happiness will be very elusive for you. A quote from the Bible that is pretty much always misquoted is 1 Timothy 6:10. Money isn't the root of all evil. The "love of money is a root of all kinds of evil".

Wait, so if I like making money, then I will never be happy?

Not necessarily. This brings me to my next point about happiness. What I wrote above doesn't just apply to money-it applies to pretty much everything else that you can pin your happiness on. Scary isn't it? What I'm really trying to get at is that greed is the biggest barrier between you and happiness.

Even if you earn millions every year, if you're not content with that, and you want even more, then you won't be happy.

Even if you're very well known and respected, if you want even more popularity and fame, then you won't be happy.

And the same applies for pretty much everything else.

So you're saying that I shouldn't have aspirations, goals and dreams?

Of course not. It's wonderful- essential, even, to have aspirations, goals and dreams. But only if you become acquainted with greed's twin brother (the good twin)- contentment. Learn to make realistic goals that are within your reach. When you achieve them, congratulate yourself and set more goals. But always remember to be content with what you have, even if you can't reach your next goal.

I'm pretty young myself, so I don't have that much experience, but I've met many people, both happy and unhappy.

What I can tell you all, with confidence is:
  

1. No matter how much you have, unless you are content with it, you will never be happy

• You don't need to be rich to happy, but being poor won't necessarily make you happy either.

2. Make it your goal to be happy each and every day, and do your best to make others around you happy as well. I know, for a fact, that when Right is happy, I'm happy.

• One of life's greatest ironies is that a lot of the unhappiness we experience in our lives is as a result of our pursuit for happiness. Some of us subject ourselves to long hours at jobs we hate to earn more money. Is that really worth it? In my opinion, do your best to make yourself and your loved ones happy each day, as long as you act with integrity. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 6:34. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn't plan for the future, but just try not to subject yourself to unhappiness today, for a possibility of happiness in future. 

So now I want to ask you: Where are you most content?

In which salary bracket will you be happy? $50,000-$70,000 per year? $70,000-$90,000 per year?
 

In which popularity range will you be happy? Just a couple of good friends? A wide social network? National/International fame?

How much (and what quality) food will make you happy? Just the occasional night out at a nice local restaurant, or meals at luxurious and expensive restaurants?

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I encourage you to consider these questions for all aspects of your life. Figure out what you will be happy with, and try to be as realistic as possible. Remember, only when you a truly content with what you have, will you be truly happy.

TL;DR

I once asked my friend, "Are you happy with your results? Are you happy with your job? Are you happy with your parents' high expectations of you? Are you happy with the amount of respect you get from friends?" To each question, he answered "no". I then asked him if he was happy. Of course, he answered "no".

I then asked him, "Are you grateful that you have a house to live in? A bed to sleep in? Are you grateful that you have food to eat every day? A good school to go to? Clothes to wear? A job to go to?" To each of my questions, he answered "yes". He started to understand where I was going. I asked him, "Are you happy?"

He said, "Yes". 

In Christ~
Left